I remember this time...

I don’t even remember where we were, but my hands were sticky from cotton candy and my hair was sticky with salt water in the air. And there was a carousel.

It was all lit up and I could see every color, every blue and yellow and lavender and vermillion. And the horses, they looked like they were flying, flying around, with their legs tensed in a gallop, but they weren’t galloping they were flying. Flying and leaving a trail of brilliant color behind them, color in their coats, in the ribbons in their tails and manes, in the patterns on their saddles, and in the clothes of the children happily riding them. Happy. Laughing. Waving at their parents.

“Wanna have a go?” My uncle asked. I never liked him. But the horses, they were so pretty, and they were slowing down, and the children were swarming off them, and it was all so pretty pretty pretty.

So I nodded and my mother took my by the hand onto the metal platform and our foot steps went thunk thunk thunk in a not so pretty way, and she helped me climb onto the prettiest horse I could find free, which was cream and had the faintest pink mane and tail, horrendous in hindsight, but I thought it was so very lovely. It was on the outside row, and my mommy said,

“You can wave to me from here,” and then she was going where was she going I thought she would stay on with me.

There was a strap on the horsey but I could get it right why did mommy leave she was gone and there we big kids all around me, except for a baby, and the baby was crying and now we were moving, moving, up down up down so fast. And there was mommy and uncle jim and aunt martha and they were waving and me and laughing and I was crying crying why would no one help me up down up down the babying was crying and everyone else was laughing and the horsey was creeking and the strap wasn’t on wasn’t on oh im so scary mommy where are you youre there and now youre gone and youre laughing at me and everyone is laughing at me except that baby why doesn't anyone help it why doesn't anyone help me help

now we’re stopping and I’m not going up down up down so much and the baby is stopping its crying and oh, mommy’s running to me even though the horses are still moving inch by inch. The big kids are getting off.

“What’s wrong, sweet pea?” She asks and I jump into her arms and she hugs me but then puts me down saying I’m a big girl.

I don’t say anything, I just let her lead me back to Uncle Jim who had no idea, no no no idea at all.

“Haha, too much for ya, squirt?” He asked and I hated him at that moment hate hate hate.

“I’m fine,” I said back. “Can we go back tot the kiddy section?”

I guess it must have been at an amusement park, that time.